When tragedy strikes I resort to what I know best: running and writing. I have been doing a lot of both this week.

My 13 year old Dessie was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and given a few days to live. Yesterday was the last one.

She would lift me. Her soul and presence were calming. She watched me write papers in high school and was the first to greet me when I’d come home from college. This week I will be going home for the first time in more than a decade without her waiting for me in the yard. It will not be the same.

2019 has been a hard year for my family. My other dog L.E. died in February, followed by my Aunt who suddenly died in April. I thought we finally caught a break until my mom broke her back, neck, and sternum cliff jumping in Aruba in November. Two weeks later, we found out Dessie had cancer. I am not normally superstitious, but odd years have consistently brought anxiety and sadness.

Through all of the drama, Dessie was steady. Even in her illness, she wanted nothing more than to serve us. With limited energy, she made sure she slept by my parents and would crawl to every room when people moved spaces. It came to a point where she had to be carried, but still only wanted to be near to her humans.

Dessie was always an easy dog to discipline. All you had to do was look at her and say ‘bad dog’ strongly and she would cower. She would put herself in timeout until you told her it was time to reemerge. Her kisses were forgiveness. The ‘bad girl’ times were rare, though. She lived most of her life and then died as the best girl.

My dad always said she was flawed because she had a dry nose. He thinks all dogs should have wet noses. I honestly think that was her only flaw.

To everyone who ever kept her, thank you. I know she loved you. While her doorbell barking was cringe worthy, we will all miss that fuzzy afro and warthog styled tail.

You probably won’t agree with me unless you have known and loved a pet as family, but I believe she will be in heaven waiting for us. I also know L.E. will be glad to have her labradoodle sister back.

Animals are one of our ways to better understand God. We should never underestimate their ability to empathize, heal, and love. When I was saying goodbye to Dessie on Facetime last night, I was holding my new rescue kitten Jazz. When I hung up and was crying, Jazz stared at me for a solid minute like she never has before. She knew I was hurting and stayed in my lap to help. If we let them, our animals can teach us so much.

She died with family by her side with little pain. It’s a hard thing to decide when to pull the plug, but for a dog who served us so well she didn’t deserve to suffer. I missed seeing her by only a few days but it was worth it to know she passed in peace. Even now, I have in my heart that she is a puppy and will live forever. I will hold on to the happy memories.

We told her thank you and let her know it was ok to sleep. She never ate or ran outside without permission so we were sure to set her free again.

Ok girl, you can go.

You fulfilled your duties, Dessie. My sweet Decimal, Mal, Dessie Lenya. Thank you for showing me more of what love is. Thank you for jumping into the lake full force and loving without abandon. Thank you for epitomizing loyalty and dedication. Run off into those woods with your best friend. I will see you soon.